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Roles of Wedding-Party
Participants
A wedding can be a wonderful and memorable experience for all of those
involved. That's why you ask friends or relatives to share in the event
and serve in your wedding party. Your offer is a wonderful honor, one
that goes with it varying degrees of responsibility depending on the
role each person will be playing. To help you decide who to ask to be in
your wedding party, here is a list of titles and responsibilities for
each participant's role.
Maid of Honor
The maid of honor is a role typically filled by a sister or a very close
friend. It is the equivalent of the groom's best man. The maid of
honor's role, therefore, is typically very involved. Among her many
responsibilities, the maid of honor accompanies the bride on shopping
trips for her wedding dress while also planning the bridal shower,
bachelorette party and coordinating the bridal party gift for the bride.
Also, the maid of honor helps the bride get dressed on her wedding day,
holds the groom's wedding ring during the wedding and may also help in
the writing of invitations. The maid of honor will also typically act as
a witness to the wedding and dance with the best man at the reception.
If the woman you're asking is married, her title will be matron of
honor.
Best Man
Perhaps the most well-known responsibilities of the best man are
organizing the bachelor party and giving the toast at the reception. But
the best man, who is typically a brother or best friend of the groom,
also has a slew of other responsibilities. In addition to helping the
groom choose his tuxedo and get dressed before the wedding, the best man
coordinates the couple's gift from the groomsmen and takes care of the
newlyweds' transportation to the airport after the reception or the next
morning. The best man may also hold onto any payment that's due to the
reception site or the donation for the house of worship, and take care
of any final financial details. He also holds the bride's wedding ring
during the ceremony.
Bridesmaids
Along with walking in the wedding procession, bridesmaids attend the
shower and contribute to the bridal gifts. bridesmaids, who are
typically sisters or friends of the bride or groom, also dance with the
groomsmen during the reception. To be further involved, each can be
given specific roles, like reading a religious passage at the ceremony,
providing assistance with choosing wedding vendors, or helping to
address wedding invitations.
Groomsmen
Groomsmen are the male equivalent of the bridesmaids, typically having
nearly identical responsibilities. Sometimes, groomsmen can act as
ushers for guests arriving at the ceremony. groomsmen walk in the
wedding processional and attend and help organize the bachelor party as
well.
Flower Girl
If the bride has a sister who is especially young, that sister typically
fills the role of flower girl. Since most flower girls are very young,
their responsibilities are generally limited to carrying a basket of
flowers during the processional and, depending on the bride's
preference, tossing flower petals on the ground to mark the bride's
entrance.
Ring Bearer
Like the flower girl, the ring bearer is a very young member of the
family, only the ring bearer is a male. The ring bearer's role is to
carry a pillow with the rings sewn on it during the processional. Some
couples choose to have the ring bearer and the flower girl walk next to
one another during the processional.
Parents of the Bride
The bride's parents may be responsible for hosting the wedding, if they
will be completely financially responsible for the event. In some cases,
the father of the bride escorts his daughter down the aisle alone, but
in other instances or in religious ceremonies, both parents may
accompany the bride. In all cases, it's her preference. The mother of
the bride may help fund or contribute to the planning of the bridal
shower if the Maid of Honor needs assistance. These parents may also
foot the cost of an engagement party or dinner to meet the groom's
family.
Parents of the Groom
The groom's parents should host a rehearsal dinner prior to the wedding.
They may also choose to contribute to the wedding if they desire. In
most cases, the groom's parents have limited responsibilities, but can
be involved as much as the wedding couple would like. Traditionally, the
groom's mother confers with the bride's mother on what color gown she is
wearing, so as not to go with the same shade. The groom's parents may
walk down the aisle in advance of the rest of the wedding processional
and take their seats.
Formal Weddings
Require Invitation Etiquette
 In the wake of e-mail, instant messages and the like, formal writing, in
many cases, has gone by the wayside. Rarely are people addressed by
proper names, even in the corporate climate.
However, for a wedding, it is commonplace and appropriate to dust off
the etiquette rules book and word invitations with a formal flair --
particularly if you are celebrating with a formal affair. Remember, an
invitation serves as a visual statement of the tone of your wedding. The
weight of the paper, the wording, the font and the color all provide
clues as to what type of event you will be hosting. A cream, white or
ivory invitation on a heavyweight card stock, a Roman font, and
engraving all denote a formal wedding ceremony.
INVITATION WORDING
Traditionally, invitations are issued by those who are hosting the event
(who are financially responsible for the wedding). In years past, the
parents of the bride customarily hosted the wedding and, as such, issued
invitations. Today, many couples choose to pay for most, if not all, of
the wedding and, therefore, it can be proper for them to issue the
invitations themselves. In all cases, the invitation should be written
in the third person. Here are some sample wedding invitation phrases
particular to the respective hosts or hostesses involved:
1. Bride's Parents:
Mr. & Mrs. John Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Jennifer Marie Smith
to
Mr. David Peter Stevenson
2. Bride's Parents with Groom's Parents Included:
Mr. & Mrs. John Smith
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Jennifer Marie Smith
to
Mr. David Peter Stevenson
son of
Mr. & Mrs. Robert Stevenson
3. Both Families Hosting:
Mr. & Mrs. John Smith
and
Mr. & Mrs. Robert Stevenson
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of
Jennifer Marie Smith
to
Mr. David Peter Stevenson
4. Honoring a Deceased Parent:
Mrs. John Smith
requests the honour of your presence
at the marriage of her daughter
Jennifer Marie Smith
(Also daughter to the late Mr. John Smith)
to
Mr. David Peter Stevenson
5. Bride and Groom Hosting
The honour of your presence is requested at the wedding of
Jennifer Marie Smith
to
Mr. David Peter Stevenson
ENVELOPES
Once invitations are received, the task of addressing them to recipients
awaits. Formality should carry through on the envelopes as well, meaning
all invitations should be hand-addressed or professionally calligraphed.
Mailing labels or typewritten envelopes are not used in a formal
wedding.
In most cases, the invitation itself is inserted within an inner
envelope. On this envelope, you can write the informal name of the
recipients, e.g. Aunt Jane and Uncle Frank. This inner envelope is then
placed within a larger mailing envelope. On the outer envelope, use only
the formal names of the recipients, e.g. Mr. and Mrs. Francis Jones.
Here are some other tips concerning addressing envelopes:
- Abbreviations: Do not use abbreviations, except for Mr., Mrs. or
Ms.
- Doctors: The word "Doctor" should always be written out, except
when the doctor is the wife of the invited couple. Then write: Mr.
Joseph Wilton and Dr. Amanda Wilton.
- Attorneys: When Esq. follows the name of an attorney, Mr. or
Mrs. shouldn't proceed the individual's name, e.g. Albert Anthony
Roberts, Esq.
- Unmarried Couples: List each invitee on a separate line:
Mr. Andrew Callaway
Ms. Deborah St. James
- Widowed Woman: Use her married name:
Mrs. Raymond Clark
Wedding Etiquette for
Second-Time Brides
Many couples thinking of marriage may have previously taken a
trip down the aisle. Second and third weddings are more common these
days than ever before. According to
gettingremarried.com, nearly 50 percent of all marriages in 2003
were second weddings for at least one partner -- if not both. Therefore,
many wonder what is proper wedding etiquette for an encore marriage.
Actually, no rules are set in stone. It is up to the couple to plan a
ceremony and reception that fits their needs and comfort levels. While
some couples choose to elope or have a very intimate affair, others
treat themselves to an elaborate affair, even inviting their children to
participate in the ceremony.
Here are some tips to guide you if you are having difficulty deciding on
the wedding that is right for you:
- When it comes to the ceremony, the choice is yours. Consider
your religious affiliations, personalities, finances and family
customs, and plan accordingly. Whether you choose a small service or
a lavish affair, all is acceptable.
- Wardrobes can be as varied as the ceremony and party. In the
past, white gowns signified purity and virginity -- not anymore. If
you want to wear white, go for it. However, many encore brides
choose to wear colored gowns or even a pantsuit in lieu of a gown.
Guys can be formal in a tuxedo or casual in a dinner jacket and
slacks.
- A second-time bride may choose to be "given away" by a father,
brother or friend. It is perfectly acceptable for her to walk down
the aisle solo.
- The bride and groom can host their own affair, but parents on
either side may choose to financially contribute.
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